Thursday, November 20, 2008

WHY?

This is a question I hate to ask myself...but it seams to be the question I end up asking myself over and over. Last night was one of those Why nights. Why me? Why us? Why her? Lucy has had a really rough few nights (like usual). She was awake from 12:00 - 4:00 am, and then again at 6:00 am - 12:00 pm, SERIOUSLY. She finally took a nap for 30 minutes, and I know that is all I will get out of her until around 3:30 when she will take another 30 minute nap. Again, I ask Why me? Why us? Why her? Then she may or may not take another 30 minute nap this evening...then probably stay up late and wake up soon after that.


It is in those critical hours during the night I ask those critical questions. I hate asking those questions. I hate living those moments of frustration. I hate wondering what is wrong with me, with us, with her. Really, there is nothing wrong with us. That is all there is to it. We are all healthy. We have a healthy little girl who smiles and crinkles her nose. We are so blessed and I am so lucky to be Lucy's mom.


That is why today I am going to ask a much better question....Why not me? Why not us? Why not her. So when pity sets in I need to remember to ask...Why not give us this trial....we can handle it, and we have. I can survive on 3 hours of sleep. I can get through these harder times because I have trust in my Heavenly Father. He will not give me a trial I am not fully capable of surviving. So today I ask WHY NOT ME?


10 comments:

Mom of twins.. said...

Thanks for this post! I seriously feel the same way.. Sawyer sleeps great through then night and our little Sadie struggles some nights, not always but the nights that she does I AM always saying why does she do this why won't she sleep for us and I always have to remind myself that same thing.. We won't get handed something that we can not handle.. And I can handle her waking up at night and it will all be ok! I hope that little Lucy will sleep well for you tonight and I am sure one day soon she will get on a great schedule! Good luck and thanks again for the post to remind us all!

Amy said...

that is a good perspective to have!

Ben and Lisa said...

I must say I was really impressed with this post. Very inspirational. You may not feel like it, but you truly are a great example to all the rest of us.

-Wes and ValaRee- said...

What a sweet post. Inspiring to say the least. You must be one strong lady!

Holly said...

Holly--I am so sorry! I don't know if Lisa has told you anything about us or not, but we've been going through some trials with our little guy too, and sometimes it IS really hard not to ask "Why me?" If it makes you feel any better, something that has helped me get through the hard times is thinking of you and how you've made it through some much harder things than we have. Just knowing that there are others out there with struggles--that I'm not the only one. Good luck, and good job for keeping a positive outlook. The Lord won't give us anything we can't handle, so you must be pretty strong. Thanks for your example. Lucy is a cutie!

Lisa said...

Great post, Holl! You've got a great perspective on things. I know someday we'll be looking back when Karli is giving me trouble in high school and Lucy is a perfect angel, and we'll just laugh! You're a great mom, and sleep is overrated :)

Heidi said...

Girl, this is one way of taking a trial head on and taking it down!! Thank you for your positive insight which makes me think of my trials and to apply it to those as well. We'll never know why we need to go through our set of challenges. It's a good thing there's a loving Heavenly Father that knows us perfectly and what we need and can handle.

jenny said...

holly, i swear it will get better. desmond woke up every 45 minutes all night long until he was 8 months old. at that point we finally had to be really tough with him, let him cry it out and learn to get back to sleep on his own. it broke my heart but after about 3 nights of crying he miraculausly started sleeping 12 hours at night even with his ongoing reflux and gas issues. i have had so many of those desperate moments in the middle of the night wondering how i could do another day without going crazy. somehow the lord sustains you. i think your perspective is amazing, keep it up, things will get better. love, jenny (brown) lemmon

amy germer said...

I tried to think of something funny to say but, I remembered those nights. It wasn't fun and well, not really funny! When you are up late remember, you are not the only one out there awake with their baby.

Peterson Family Utah said...

This will pass!!!!!! But it is for sure a hard time, exhaustian sucks!!!!! I think you are a great Mom! YOu have been such a trooper with the feeding I am so proud of you and what you have done!! Hang on in there!
Love you,
Claire. oxoxoxoxo